It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
