So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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