if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize