Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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