is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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