remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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