i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
