exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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