my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
