He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
