maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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