i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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