chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
