if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love accidental penises.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The air taste purple.
Randomize
