She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
