I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
