Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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