Non-Jews are for practice
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who died my cat blue again?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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