Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
