I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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