16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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