She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
