I bet he comes in French.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
