There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Randomize
