Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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