apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
