Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
