What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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