Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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