from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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