Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
