They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found your dick twin last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
