Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
