dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
