Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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