I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
