So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
