My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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