On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
