i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize