im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
