I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
