I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
