Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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