Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
