I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
