you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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