sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize