Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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