dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
