But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
