but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
