Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
