i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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