Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
