can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize