HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize