just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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