Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
