the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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