yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Less talking, more tequila
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
