If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
