he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
