Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
