im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
