Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
