my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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