Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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