i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
